My beef with gasoline pumps

So, Stephanie made this thing to keep people updated on our life here in faraway Virginia land. Seems kind of narcissistic to me, but hey, I guess I am kind of fascinating.

Anyways, on the way up here we filled up with gasoline probably 5 or 6 times. During that time, the silly machine at the pump that's always bothered me just a little bit was amplified due to the frequency of filling the tank. To understand my peeve, let's walk through a typical refueling scenario. Each step lists the text on the pump screen and what it's really trying to say in parentheses:

1. Press debit or credit or prepay inside. (You look suspicious and we are concerned you will steal our gas.)
   
2. Please slide your card. (We will beep at you incessantly if you do not press debit or credit first, even though it does not matter)
   
3. Please enter your 5 digit zip code. (This is the easiest number for a thief to find out about you, he can enter your name on the internet white pages and presto, we've kept your identity insecure)
4. Would you like a car wash? (These normally range in price from a $3 light rinse, to a $15 complete scrub with a giant blow dryer at the end)
5. Are you sure you don't want a car wash? We offer it at a discount. (Your car is dirty)
6. Select grade. (As if those numbers really mean anything to you)
   
7. Begin fueling. (We've likely removed the little holder thing because we don't trust our own mechanism. We'd rather have you stand there in the heat or rain or cold and stop it yourself.)
   
8. Replace nozzle. (Enjoy the gasoline smell after it drips on your hand.)
   
9. Would you like a receipt? (If you say yes, the printer will jam and not print anyway, so you might as well say no.)

Oh yeah, I wrote all that. Think about that next time you pump.